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VOTE 4 KALLE

THE TRUTH

People always ask me, “Why are you playing with Kalles World Tour?” It’s hard to explain, but let me try to do it with a real-life story: A couple of years ago I played a concert for 15 blind kids. They all sat in a long line and “looked” at me. In between songs, suddenly one of the boys yells, “No no, who the fuck is farting?” And all the other kids said very promptly, “It wasn’t me.” But when the boy out on the far left side said so, he also had a huge smile on his face. Suddenly it was ME that was the audience to a scene and I was the only one who could see the truth and that’s how I want Kalles World Tour to feel.

The only thing we can be sure of here in the world is that we cannot be sure of anything, because everything is constantly changing. Our body, our psyche, yes, the whole universe is constantly changing. Try to think of an important experience from your childhood. You can probably remember all the colors, sounds and maybe even the smells, and of course you can, you were present in the moment. Or were you? Because all the atoms in your body are completely replaced about every 6 months and our body is 80 percent water and the water is replaced every 14 days so there is not one molecule or atom in your body right now that was present in your childhood. The body will never be the way it is right now, again. The entire universe is expanding right now, at a speed higher than the speed of light, and it has been doing so ever since The Big Bang, and the speed is getting faster and faster. This means that in a few million years, the night sky here on Earth will be completely black, no stars, because they will be so far away from us that the light from them can no longer reach us. If living beings still exist on Earth at that time, they will look up to the sky and think that they are all alone in the universe.

How many of the truths we believe are completely wrong because the right light cannot reach us? The only way in which these beings in the future will be able to get to the truth is through doubt. They must dare to doubt that the black, seemingly empty sky is full of light and life.

I hate smalltalk. We always have to talk about things that doesn’t matter – its always the most harmless and indifferent topics, like the weather. But isn’t it then funny that it is the weather that is gonna kill all the small talking humans, and we didn’t see that coming in all of our stupid conversations.

We think democracy will solve all our problems. But no, the opposite will happen. Because in a dictatorship, the people are afraid of the leader, but in a democracy, the leader is afraid of the people.

THE MAN

Losers are the real winners. Because if you are a winner it shows that you have a really good work ethic, but nothing about whether you are a good person. To be a good person you must have experienced losing. When you lose you can still achieve what you wanted, but when you win you must achieve what others want.

I am one of the biggest losers in Denmark. I have been playing for many years with Kalles World Tour, but not many people know it. In the diametrically opposite direction we have Vanilla Ice. He played music for a very short time, but everyone knows him. In the middle between these two extremes is the Rolling Stones. They have been in the game for a very, very long time and everyone knows them. They are true winners. What is best? What do you prefer? Are you into a very long sexual foreplay that leads nowhere (me)? Or premature ejaculation (Vanilla Ice). Or would you rather have sex with your 83 year old grandfather for the next 12 years (The Stones)? If you have chosen The Rolling Stones you should also consider that it is a very expensive pleasure. The last time they played in Denmark, the tickets cost from 100 to 250 euros. My show cost 8 euros.

All humans are born as unique individuals but money, vanity and egoism makes your asshole grow bigger and bigger and slowly all of the uniqueness leaks out of your asshole until finally you are just a grey copy of something that once was unique. Not just mine, but everyone’s life is full of contradictions all the time. Take your own body; it is full of life that hums, vibrates and thumps, but it is also full of death. In your stomach, a lot of bacteria are living, and about 10 percent of them are waiting right now. They wait for you to die, because when that happens it is their job to eat you up from the inside. So right now, we all have a little Alien army down in our stomach. I am those bacteria. I am gonna blow up society from the inside. I am going into politics.

KALLE 4 WORLD LEADER

Why? Because I am the opposite of politicians. Here are 3 rules I will implement first when I am world leader:

• All people must be accountable for what their children do for the rest of their lives. This will cause 2 things. Fewer children will be born here on the planet, and there will be fewer psychopaths. Because if you are the parents of a son who is becoming a psychopath and you know that you are going to jail if he goes crazy, then you will probably start to “fix” your offspring.
• All the people who can predict what will happen in the future must show us the way. Metrologists, physicists, mathematicians and doctors are sat at “Kalle’s cold table”, and then we solve all the world’s problems. I am the “artist” in the room and my job is to doubt and love. All bills will have to account for us borrowing the globe from our children.
• If you are a very lucky person, you will have a lot of responsibility in my community. If you are very unlucky you will only experience compassion and humility.

Here are the new 5 commandments:

1. You have to dare to doubt what you are most sure of, because everything is changing and you need to follow. When you doubt and turn off the autopilot, you notice all the new amazing beginnings you can jump on.
2. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. The old classic, and it is the best way to deal with the fact that we are not alone on the planet.
3. Hand over all the places you come to, in better condition than when you got there. Try and think if we all did that. We would live in a paradise that would constantly become more and more fantastic. Why don’t we do this? Because we all think, “There are always some idiot coming and destroying what I have built up. But rule number 1 will make sure there much fewer idiots.
4. Meditate for at least an hour a day where the goal is to let go and find peace. It’s all about turning off your mind and entering the space between your thoughts, where eternity lies waiting.
5. Surprise yourself and those close to you. In spontaneity you find the possibility of being present without any restrictions. It’s a NOW, without all your past luggage. Check the song Kotelet on the record. This song can help you to understand.